November 18, 2008

Manchester needs to move

I've just come back from a great weekend in Manchester, during which I discovered two things:
  • Manchester is approximately 362% nicer, cleaner and friendlier than London
  • Manchester is about two-and-a-half hours too far away by car
Given this assessment, I think the only workable option is for Manchester and London to switch places, so that I will only have to spend about an hour getting to Manchester from my house, and will therefore actually be able to see Manchester-based friends on a more regular basis. Therefore, I am adding the Manchester-London Reversal Project to my Total World Domination Plan(tm) and will implement it as soon as the plan comes to fruition, alongside the Guitar Solo Vetting Scheme and countless other life-enhancing changes.

Under the project, Londoners will be given the option of 'staying' where they are to live in Manchester, so long as they agree to discard their old London ways, in particular:
  • Forgetting that places outside of London (and especially north of London) actually exist
  • Barging into strangers on the street/tube and refusing to apologise in case it holds them up for a second
  • Charging exorbitant amounts for beer and, well, most things
There will be other conditions, the most important of which will be a requirement for all Bands I Want To See who book London gigs to also play in Manchester during the same tour, and others that I will add at a later date (when they occur to me). All in all though, I don't foresee to many problems with this one. I'm looking forward to bringing the project forward and rolling it out. Going forward.

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